I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
