the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
