We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
