so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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