I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
