I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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