I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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