***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
