i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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