How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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