THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
