If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
