I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
