Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
