How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
