pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
