3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize