how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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