maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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