I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
