Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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