the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
