Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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