I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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