I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
