I'd wear matching sweaters with you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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