TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
