Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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