im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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