she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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