How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
