Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
