omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
