Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
