you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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