So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
