At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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