Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
