There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
