I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize