...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
