Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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