he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
