Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
