Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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