Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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