now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
