take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
