So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
