Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize