you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
