At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize