Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
