so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
