it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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