he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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