I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
