What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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