The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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