He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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