Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
