I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
