my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
