i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
