Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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