The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it hurts more in the daytime
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
