is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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