nut hugger
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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