Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
