Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
