My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize