Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
