I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
