I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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